The best of all my years have been with you Dean
by Just an average fanfic
Summary: DESTIEL FLUFF A LITTLE BIT OF SMUT ! Dean loves Cas, that much you know already. unfortunately Dean does not. when Cas is mysteriously taken and returns not him self Deans love is realized. But how long will is last. SEASON 10 SPOILERS. Major character death... sorry
1. Chapter 1

Dean's routines when finishing a hunt were almost completely predicable. First he would have a shower then eat before packing up his stuff and leaving. He moved in an almost scripted motion about the dark hotel room that had been home for him and Sam for the past few days well they hunted a demon in the town that was possessing different people and killing their families before then killing the meat suit it was in. it had gotten though two families before Sam and dean had even caught wind of it and then one more by the time they had killed it. It was a pretty normal job for the pair and all had gone as planned. That was apart from dean getting knocked out and then almost killed by it that is.

Sam and dean had just finished packing their old and worn duffle bags in to the trunk of the impala when deans' phone buzzed violently in his pocket. At first he ignored it and continued to lode stuff in to the car but after a moment or so it began to irritate him so he dug it out of his pocket and stared at the screen blankly.

"Are you ever going to answer that or do you just plan to use your Jedi mind powers to see what whoever that is wants?" Sam said jokingly laughing to him self a he shut the trunk of the impala and locked the hotel door.

"Don't be stupid Sammy you know batman doesn't have Jedi mind powers." Dean said in a mild chuckle as the phone continued to ring in his hand. "It's- its Cas…" he trailed off and looked at Sam.

"Then answer it. Ask him where the hell he has been we haven't heard from him in months!" Sam said in a hurried voice as he became more and more weary of how long the phone would continue to ring. Dean continued to stare at the screen a look of panic mixed with relief was glued to his face; he finally pressed answer and moved the phone slowly up to his ear.

"Cas?" he said in a hushed voice "Cas you there?" more fear was rising in his voice now as he waited impatiently for Cas's gravelly voice to reply.

"Dean where are you? I'm at the bunker and you and Sam are gone. Just wondered if you needed my help on a hunt or something?" Cas replied eventually. You could hear the innocent smile in his voice as he spoke as if he had seen them only yesterday.

"Cas what the hell!" dean said as his worries were replaced with rage "where have you been. We haven't seen or heard from you in months!"

"Nice one dean" Cas chuckled. "We spoke yesterday. Remember?"

"No Cas that was nearly two months ago!" dean said as his panic stricken eyes looked up at Sam. Dean was met by silence at the other end of the phone. "Cas just stay at the bunker. We're about a day out. We'll get there soon okay. Look just doesn't go disappearing again?" dean said has he held the phone to his ear with his shoulder and climbed into the impala and signalled for Sam to do the same.

"O-okay. I'll stay here and wait then. It can't have been two months dean, I can't remember anything!" Cas's voice was now that of a scared child who had no idea what to do. Dean could almost see his face as he spoke, his lost little angle all scared and alone. He put his foot down and sped out of the hotel parking lot and down the road towards Cas.

"We'll be there soon Cas okay. Sit tight." Dean said as he disconnected the phone and looked over at Sam. "Cas's in trouble"

Cas had originally gone to the bunker to see Sam and dean. He thought that at least one of them would be there; he secretly hoped it would be dean, but nope, sure enough neither of them were there.

 _They must be both out on a hunt_ Cas thought to himself _but they would have told me. Wouldn't they?_ He continued. He decided to ring dean to see where they had gotten to but the normal convocation didn't go as planned and Cas was left scared and lost in thought about where those two months could have gone. He remembered talking to dean what seemed like yesterday but yet his friend was adamant that more time had passed. Cas knew he had to do something to keep his mind buzzy well he waited for sam and dean to get back to the bunker and announce that it was all a prank and that they had in fact spoken the day before, so Cas decided to look around. He had never really looked around the bunker properly before, he had only had the brief tour that dean had taken him on the first time he came here and the rest of the time he had just sort of guessed where things were. He was more than often right but he still was yet to explore the barrels of the bunker. The very place where so many momentous moments had happened. It was the place where he had first met Charlie. The place Kevin had died, the place where the final members of the Frankinsitine family had come to rest (almost including himself) it was the place where the three of them had laughed and cried so many times and there was still so much to see.

Cas began walking in any direction he chose. He ventured down the narrow corridors turning left and right and left again until he was sure he was completely lost and had no clue if he had even seen this part before. The corridor he was in had many doors down its length and Cas thought he would start there. He began opening door after door finding storage rooms filled to the top with artefacts, many of which castile remembered well before they had come to reside here in the dark rooms of the men of letters bunker. The next door he opened happened to be deans. He knew it was his as soon as the door swung back on its hinges just from the smell of beer mixed with old vinals and gun powder.

Cas stopped before he walked inside. He stopped and stared. He took in every inch of the room for this was dean, this was his space filled with his stuff and smelling beautifully of him. Cas could see dean sitting comfortably at the foot of his bed smiling at him beautifully reaching a hand out to him but when Cas stepped forward to take it he was gone, just a wishful figment of his own mind. Cas's smile didn't fade but became sad. His eyes stared at the empty space where dean once was and hoped again that he would visit him in his mind. Just has the hope of fake dean's return had faded something caught Cas's eye. Something under Dean's pillow was reflecting the sight streaming in from the illuminated corridor. Cas gingerly turned on the single hanging light in the room and walked to sit on the bed before lifting the pillow revealing an array of both old and new photos. Cas scooped them up into his delict hands and began to look though them. First was a photo he had taken of Sam and dean in a bar laughing with tears in their eyes because Cas had just been hit on by the bar man. Next was an old photo of a young dean and a short haired Sam sitting on the trunk of the impala playing cards with bobby in the back ground smiling as if all evil that he had ever seen had never happened. Cas realised at this moment that john must have taken this photo, he smiled to himself at the thought of Dean Sam and bobby together before all hell had broken loose. He often thought of how it would have been if john had told dean what was going on, would dean have still gone to get Sam? Would jess be dead? Would Sam even talk to dean or john? Would john see all the mistakes he had made and try and try and fix them or would he carry dean on the destructive path he had set him on? Cas's head were often filled with questions like these. He shook his head and continued on to the next photo. He had seen this one before. It was a photo of Mary cradling a baby Sammy with dean stood on her knee peering over the blanket to get a good look at Sam. Castile studied the look of joy on dean's face well he looked down at Sam and the smile that came across Marys face has her two boys saw each other for the first time. Cas looked at the next photo briefly for it was a photo of a very young Sam, dean and john. It was one of the rare moments where the three were smiling. John had his arm round Sam and was looking at the camera and Sam was looking up at dean who stood next to him smiling loosely with his hand on Sam's head messing up his hair. The last photo in the pile was, much to the surprise of Cas, a photo of him. Just him. No one else, it was just him in his grubby trench coat leaning against the passenger side of the impala looking out at nothingness. Cas stared at the photo and looked for possible reasons for dean to keep this so close to him every night. He smiled at the thought of dean looking though them and pausing at this photo and smiling down at his grubby little angle. But he didn't let himself dwell on this thought for long before he gently placed the photos back in their right order and tucked them under the pillow. He stayed sat on deans bed for a while after this before lying down to rest his head on deans pillow. His eyes began to shut slowly as the unexpected and rather alien feeling of tiredness swept over him. He buried his head in deans' pillow and drifted of into a sort of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The Winchesters returned to the bunker the next day in a more rushed fashion than they were used to. Dean was first though the door leaving all his bags in the car with no hesitation.

"Cas!" he called out in a panic to the empty room that lay before him. Sam came bundling though the door after dean, his eyes darting around for any sign on the angle but was met with disappointment when he saw what his brother had already realised, the room was empty.

"He might have gone walking around the bunker. We'll find him don't worry he can't of gone far" Sam said comforting his brother as he walked down the metal steps into the empty room.

"Yeah I'll go this way and you look that way okay?" dean said as he ventured off in the same direction that Cas had, looking over his shoulder to see that Sam was indeed heading the other way. Dean slowly walked down the narrow corridors with his hand grasping the knife that was in his belt out of pure habit. He soon came across all of the opened doors; he knew Cas must have come this way as he had a habit of not shutting doors witch drove Sam and dean insane. Dean came to the last door that was left open and knew it was his before he had even looked inside. Part of him was mad that Cas had gone in his room and left the door open this was until a sigh of relief left his body as his eyes were greeted with the sight of Cas asleep on his bed, curled up neatly in a ball as little snuffling sounds came out of him. Dean stood in the doorway and smiled as he looked on at Cas peacefully asleep. Then it hit him, angles don't sleep... This meant that Cas was either faking it or he was turning human again. At that moment dean stepped into the room silently and stood by Cas's head. There was no way Cas was faking it. His breathing was shallow and his body was relaxed, dean had even noticed a small bit of dribble out of the corner of his mouth. Cas knew humans well but he was still Cas so he didn't know them well enough to fool dean that he was sleeping. Instead of waking Cas dean walked out of the room silently turned off the light and shut the door. Once he was far enough down the corridor so that he wouldn't wake the sleeping Cas he rang Sam

"Dean I can't find him. Have you?" Sam's voice was still panicked and fearful.

"Yeah Sam I found him. He's asleep in my room; I didn't have the heart to wake him so I left him there. I'll meet you in the library we need to talk..." and with that dean abruptly hung up the phone and preceded towards the library at an alarming pace. He wanted Sam to be able to tell him that Cas would be okay. He secretly needed the support of his baby brother at this time when the angle that normally watches over him was now sleeping like a baby in his bed. This was all too much of a strange thought for dean so he shook it out of his head just as he spotted Sam sitting patiently in the library just as dean had instructed.

Sam's back was to dean but even from this angle dean could tell he was worried. Sam was sat slouched in his chair, his normal respectful posture was all but gone, his elbows were on the table and his head was in his hands with his long mess of hair covering his face. As soon as Sam heard dean he sat bolt upright as if he had just been electrocuted. His eyes followed dean round the room as he went to take his place across the table from Sam. The two sat in silence for awhile. Sam looked at dean with worry as dean tried to find the right words to explain why there was now an angle asleep in his bed. Dean took in a deep breath before explaining to Sam that Cas was asleep in his room and he almost got through the hole explanation without spiralling into a worried panic but as soon as the worlds 'Cas's grace could be fading again' left his mouth he found himself breathing heavily as his mind searched for all of the possibilities of why this may be happening and how to fix them. Soon he was snapped back into realty by Sam coughing loudly in the way that clearly showed he had been trying to get deans attention for a few moments.

"look dean we have dealt with this before haven't we?" Sam said as he looked comfortingly at dean "and anyway we don't know the whole situation. Or what happed to him these past two months and we won't know anything until Cas wakes up, but your right we shouldn't wake him, if something as been going on the poor guy needs some sleep. And so do you. You drove nonstop all night. I'm going to go out and get us all some good food and you need to rest." Sam said as he got up and grabbed his coat

After a lot of disagreement and a reminder for pie Sam was out of the bunker and set to return in a few hours. This left dean and the sleeping angel alone.

Dean crept back down the corridor towards his room and Cas. He slowly and silently opened the door to find Cas still sound asleep in a ball on his bed. Sam was right dean was exhausted from driving nonstop to get here and he so craved curling up in his bed for a bit of sleep Cas or no Cas. In the end after a lot of thought dean decided 'fuck it I'm hanging out my ass here I need sleep.' It didn't seem to occur to him that there we many perfectly good rooms elsewhere in the bunker, or did it? dean lay down on the other side of the bed to castile and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep and was greeted by a dream he had had many times before.

Dean dreamt of falling sleep with Castile and cuddling his close to him as Cas lay his head on dean's chest. But this time he wasn't dreaming. Cas had rolled over ,wriggled closer and was facing dean still sound asleep, dean put his arm round Cas and pulled him closer to him so that Cas was resting his head on deans chest. Dean buried his head in Cas's thick soft black hair and breathed in the scent of him. Castile's hand was resting on the other side of dean's chest as his breathing relaxed even more. Dean could feel Cas moving as he became more relaxed and he wrapped both his arms round Cas and pulled him even closer witch meant Cas was now asleep on top of dean with his little head still going up and down on deans chest as he breathed. The two thought they were just in the middle of a rather pleasant dream and had no clue that they were actually 'sleeping' together. So this is how they stayed until dean woke up that is.

At first dean just thought he was still dreaming so his kissed the top of castile's head much the same way he normally did in dreams like these then much to his surprise he heard a door slam that's when he realised, Sam. He knew at that moment that this wasn't a dream but still he didn't want to move. It slowly came to him however that in order to escape the endless mocking from his little brother he was going to have to wake up the sleeping angle that was led on top of him.

"Cas" he said softly close to one of castile's ears "Cas you need to wake up". Cas raised his head groggily

"dean?" he said in a more confused way than normal "dean why am I asleep on you?" he questioned as he watched deans face turn a rather satisfying shade of pink

"I don't know Cas just you need to get up I think Sam is waiting for us and..." before dean could finish he was stunned in to silence as Cas sat up and yawned the cutest little yawn dean had ever heard. A smile swept across deans face as he watched Cas stand up and stretch as though he had been asleep for years. Cas let out another cute yawn before saying

"well..." as he motioned to dean "didn't you say Sam was waiting?"

Dean shook his head as he got up and rubbed his eyes. Cas held the door open for him as they both headed towards the library, where Sam normally was.

Sam looked at them sceptically as they both entered  
"what have you two been up to" Sam said jokingly "you both look really guilty" he chuckled.

Dean and Cas exchanged worried looks as they sat down to begin to figure out what the hell had happened to Cas over the past two months and why he was now sleeping all of a sudden.


	3. Chapter 3

The three of them sat and talked for hours. Sam was researching god knows what on his laptop and Cas had his head in a dusty old book but dean, dean wasn't researching or even trying to figure out what happened to Cas. He was just looking, watching as Cas poured over pages of dusty script with that semi-permanent look of confusion plastered across his face. Dean didn't know what had happened to Cas and he was willing to admit it just the same way he was willing to admit that he didn't know why Cas was asleep in his bed. But what he didn't know was why he had curled up next to him when there were many other places for him to sleep, he didn't know why he hugged him so close but still felt as if he was a million miles away. These were the questions that dean hoped he could find the answers to in some dusty old book, but no.

"we're almost out of beer" dean exclaimed in hope that it would break the deafening silence that had been lingering in the room for some time now. Cas raised his head from his book to look at dean for a brief moment before returning his eyes to the pages. "Sammy?" dean insisted as he tried to gain Sam's attention.

"I'm gonna call it a night dean. We've been at this for hours and we're getting nowhere." Sam said in reply. Dean nodded his head sadly as Sam got up and walked to his room. "night guys" he called.

Dean turned his attention back to Cas who was clearly just staring at the page and not taking in a single word. "Cas" dean said bluntly as he waved his hand in front of his face. Cas looked suddenly at dean not saying a single word. "you sleeping or not?" dean said as he gathered up the bottles and headed to the kitchen. Cas slowly trailed after him and stood by the kitchen table as dean washed out the bottles and placed them in a box.

"dean angels don't sleep..." Cas said sounding as confused as normal.

"well you were sleeping earlier. In my bed remember?" dean said blushing as he remembered holding Cas in his arms, feeling his warmth and wishing he never had to let go.

"oh yeah" Cas said also blushing as a smile crept across his face. Dean laughed and Cas smiled and they stayed like this just looking at each other with sad smiles. Dean began to walk closer to Cas until he was stood inches away. He looked into castile's eyes and he could see tears beginning to cloud his crystal blue eyes.

"hey." Dean said in a soft voice as he wiped away a tear that escaped Cas's eyes. "Cas it's okay we'll sort this out, you have my word." Dean placed one hand of Cas's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

"I have done terrible things dean" Cas said with a tremble in his voice "terrible unforgivable things. But I didn't know honestly dean please believe me!" Cas began to sob as he spoke. He looked up at dean with a mixture of fear and sadness. The kind of sadness that once you have seen it in someone you love you can never forget it. Dean swallowed as he stood stunned looking at Cas but not seeing him. He broke eye contact and couldn't bear to look at him, not because of the thought of what Cas had done but because to see someone so beautiful so sad was heart breaking. He heard castile's sobbing grow stronger and without thinking he grabbed Cas and pulled him into his chest, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.

Dean spoke in a soft whisper "shh Cas it's okay. Shh clam down. I believe you Cas it's okay." Dean said as he rested his chin on top of Cas's head. Dean felt castile's body quiver as he sniffed and dean continued to hold him close until his sobbing had stopped. Cas's eyes were red and puffy and he cheeks were damp with tears. Dean instinctively wiped them away with his sleve. He was no longer thinking _oh dear what mucht this look like_ or _what would people think_ dean was only thinking of cas. His fallen angle who was so scared of his own shadow and of the things he had done that he refused to even speak of them. Dean tried of course, to get Cas to tell him what he had done but Cas just kept saying sorry over and over shaking his head as of that would get rid of the memories that were now flooding in to his mid.

Nothing, not even dean could put a stopper in what was now flooding castile's mind. Whatever barrier that was put up was now gone and nothing could shield him from what he had done. Images of death and murder now streamed in front of his eyes. Cas fell to the floor and grabbed his head in pain yelling out with tears now streaming down his face again as he lay curled up on the cold ground. The pain was almost unbearable

"DEANN!" cas yelled as he remaind culred up on the ground buerrying his hands in his eyes in a vain attempt to block out these horrific images. Images of men women and children dead, images of his shaking hands coverd in their blood as he stood over their bodies.

Dean looked down at cas horrified. He froze. He couldn't move a single mucel, he just stood looking down at cas as he yelled out in pain grasping at deans feet. Dean wasn't awoken from this trance until a startled sam came bursting though the door with his gun in hand.

"dean ! what happened ! oh my god cas" sam said as he knelt down next to cas who had now stopped screeeming and was now a shaking mess still curled up on the floor with his trench coat laying loosly on him. Castiles eyes remained fixed on deans boots as sam knelt next to him shaking him gently trying to get any sort of response out of him. Sam suddently stood and exited the room as quickly as he had entered and dean sunk to his knees still in front of Cas. He silently picked up Cas's head and rested it down on his knees stroking his hair as he remained looking blankly at the door way. The two stayed like this both in shock. The terrors that had been flashed in front of castile's eyes remained inside him fear threatening to consume him at any moment. Dean how ever saw none of this for his worst fear had just played out in front of him. The image of his friend griped by fear and paralysed by pain laid out before him with him unable to move or even attempt to help still flashed before his eyes as he cradled castile's head in his lap. He continued to stroke Cas's hair even when Sam returned. he looked startled, almost disappointed and worried but he didn't not return empty handed. He had a book, an old book, very old in fact. It was written in old English and just happened to be the book Cas was reading.

"it's a spell book" Sam explained. "what ever happened to Cas he wasn't meant to remember so whoever it was cast a spell on him but well reading this he came across the counter spell. A set of words that renders the spell useless and returns the victims memory. When Cas read this it must have made him remember what he was meant to forget." Sam explained looking at dean like this was meant to make him feel better as he remained on the cold floor cradling his broken best friend.

"let's do this tomorrow yeah?" dean said harshly to Sam as he motioned down at Cas. Sam nodded and left again but not before silently reading deans emotions and replying with a silent "he'll be okay" dean only nodded at this but not one part of him would let himself believe it for one second.

"Cas buddy can you stand?" dean whispered to Cas after a few more moments of silence. Cas nodded weakly and pushed himself up with his arms so that he was sat on his knees looking directly at dean. Dean could still see the horror in his eyes as if all the light had faded and darkness had consumed him. Castile swallowed hard and closed his eyes, a single tear escaped and rolled slowly down his face before hitting his leg and seeping into his trousers. Cas watched dean stand slowly and heard the crack of his knees as he stretched and reached out a hand for Cas. Cas took deans hand and pulled himself to his feet. His knees buckled and he almost fell but dean caught him just in time and walked him out of the kitchen and down the corridor.

Cas soon realised he was again outside deans room and he smiled slightly, remembering the photo of him that lay hidden under deans pillow.

"you sleep in here tonight Cas okay?" dean said as he turned on the lights "It's a lot more comfortable than the couch" he said jokingly as he helped the still shaking Cas out of his trench coat and hooked it on the back of the door. Cas, too tired to argue, climbed into dean's bed and lay his head down on the soft pillow. Dean smiled down at Cas and began to leave but three words stopped him dead in his tracks.

"please don't go" these words were spoken in such a way that dean froze again, he could hear the pleading in Cas's voice mixed with fear of himself. Dean knew better than most what being scared of yourself felt like so he stayed. He kicked off his shoes and lay down next to Cas for the second time that day. Dean closed his eyes and listened to Cas's breathing as it became more relaxed and he drifted off to sleep only then did dean allow himself to drift away into dreams.

It was only about an hour later that dean was woken by Cas suddenly sitting bolt up right next to him with sweat dripping down his face and stinging his eyes as he panted struggling for breath. Dean propped himself up on one elbow and looked at him, it didn't take Cas long to notice him. Cas was scared again but something in deans grass green eyes made him feel safe so without thinking and craving sleep he laid back down with his face buried him dean's chest. Dean lay back down with an arm around Cas stroking his back as he coaxed him back into sleep. It didn't take long for Cas to drift back off but when dean was sure he was asleep he kissed his head that was now damp with sweat and said.

"it's okay Cas I've got you now."


	4. Chapter 4

The night continued much the same as it had started with Cas waking in a cold sweat with his fear drenched eyes searching for dean in the dark, searching for anything light to cling on to and dean was there .every time Cas woke he would to be woken and would hold him again whispering soft words into Castile's ear lulling him slowly back to sleep only to repeat the process again a few hours later. The words dean said were always the truth; however the words dean spoke when Castile had once again been comforted back to sleep were more true but they were words dean feared he would never be able to say again. Dean's words held promises of love and security to his angel, they were promises he desperately wished he could fulfil but knew they were only empty words that lingered in the silence of the room around him never to be truly heard.

It was different this time, it was now dean waking up in a cold sweat as the final images of Castile's now faded blue eyes flashed before him. He sat up panting with tears burning his eyes as he reached out a frantic arm to the side off the bed were Castile had been led. He was gone. Dean's arm fell down onto the empty bed with a heart shattering thud. Panic ran though his body as he remained in that terrifying half dream state, the one where you have no idea who you are or what's real. All dean could think was 'find Cas'

"Cas!?" dean said in a half yell into the dark room. His panic stricken body haling its self across the room and his numb hands fumbling for the light switch. As light flooded the room dean saw that Cas's trench coat was still hanging limply next to him on the back of the door but that was the only indication that cas had been here at all. Dean unhooked the coat and slid down the door clutching it to his chest as flashes of his dream and of cas returned to his head. A single tear escaped his eye and slowly made its way down his freckled cheek as he sat with his eyes closed and cas's coat wrapped loosely over his shoulders. "cas please" dean wimped limply into the no longer empty room. As soon as the words had left his mouth a hand reached out to him to wipe away another tear. Dean's eyes shot open immediately and saw cas crouching in front of him looking deep into his eyes searching for answers to deans terrors.

Cas no longer resembled his trebling self of only a few hours ago, he looked replenished and new as though he had found the answers to the questions he asked and his mind was now free. Dean desperately searched castile's face for any indication that he was still the cas that he had held in his arms all night. Deans eyes rose up cas's crouched body but only found relief when they met his eyes, his beautiful ice blue eyes that could shine light into the darkest corners of deans soul.

When deans eyes finaly met cas's properly there was no love in them only desperation and fear, cas could see inside his head, he could see the things dean had dreamed but still he said nothing he just stayed crouching infront of him with his hand on deans face.

"im sorry cas" were the three solitary words that dean spoke that shattered cas's heart. They were spoken in such a way that they almost lingered in the air between them like a dead wait that would forever reside with them. "they were taking you cas.. taking you away from me and all I could do was watch" deans words caught in his throat as he spoke but he never broke eye contact not once. Cas didn't reply at first then he noticed the tears forming in deans eyes "cas they took you away from me and they did horrible thing and was all so real. cas please." Tears were now dampening deans cheeks and his eyes were wide just looking at cas but knowing cas couldn't see him not properly anyway.

Castiels focus came back to dean after what felt like an eternity of silence and there was only one thing cas could think to do. He lent forward and kissed dean hard, grabbing his face with both his hands, felling deans damp cheeks against his and waiting for dean to pull away horrified. But he didn't, his shock was obvious but after only seconds dean had his hands placed round the back of casitels neck hoping that cas didn't realize what he had done and pull back.

The kiss didn't last long, there was no passionate hair grabbing or need for each other, no tongs, no pulling each other closer. It was just a kiss. A loving, comforting kiss, the kind of kiss that makes you know that things will be okay and that that person has your back. It wasn't an I need you now kiss it was a its okay I've got you now kiss. That's all it needed to be, for both of them.

They both sat in the silence of the room with cas still crouching in front of dean and their foreheads pressed agents each other. Dean smiled with his eyes closed just as castile opened his. He was just in time to see the rare smile, a fleeting moment of happiness for the beaten and broken dean.

"well I can safely say we seem to be making a habit of this" dean said with a slight laugh as he looked into castiels eyes again.

"im okay with that" cas whispered. A smile was braking up is face once again but his eyes remained the same. Dean blushed red again as cas stood up and took a step away from him. Deal hauled his sleep deprived body up from the floor and lent aginst the door once more

"where did you go cas?" he questioned hoping not to squander the moment that he and cas had just had.

"I went to find answers. That's all you need to know" cas said sternly with his back to dean. Dean shifted his feet stunned by castiels sudden aggression.

"You didn't- cas you didn't go back did you ?" dean said knowing the answer to his own question.

"to heaven you mean ?" cas said still with his back to dean "yes dean I did go back to heaven.." dean looked at the back of cas's head shocked. Cas had sworn never to go back. Not just for his sake but for the sake of others. He was told he wasn't wanted by his own family and it broke him.

"why. Cas you said you could never go back after what they did to you" dean whined still with his eyes locked on the back of castiles head.

"because dean" cas said spinning round with range in his voice "where would you go if you needed help, if you had questions. You would go to Sam, to your home. Heaven is my home and my family. No matter what they did to me. I needed help so I went home."

"no matter what they did to you ! they tortured you cas ! every time you go back you get sucked back into their little games !" dean said raising his hands in disbelief

" its nothing to do with you dean ! you're a human, you have no idea about heaven and the loyalty of angles" cas bellowed at dean

"I know everything about the loyalty of angles cas ! because I have you !"

"it is done dean. I have the answers I was looking for you no longer need to care for me or worry about me. I am restored to my rightful self so let it go!" cas said hoping to end the convocation before it escalated any further.

"I will always care for you cas cos that's what you do for the person you are in love with-" dean stopped dead. Panic rose inside him as he stood looking at cas who was equally taken back by deans sudden revelation.

Cas stood still. not wanting to move for fear of scarring dean into taking it back. but after a while the silence was deafening and cas has to ask.

"you- you're in love with me?" he asked shyly cocking his head slightly to one side as he spoke but keeping eye contact with the now scarlet dean.

"yes.." dean said in a small voice as he looked at his feet and shifted back on his heels. Cas was smiling uncontrollably. "don't look at me like that cas" dean said bluntly forcing the smile from castiels face. cas was confused, he thought love was a good thing. why was dean all of a sudden angry about it. "look cas, you're like family to me and i love you like that okay. your family, my family. all i have left is you and sam, that's how i love you" dean said nervously trying to take back what he had said. Even though it was true he wasn't ready to believe it himself.

Castiels disappointment was obvious and it broke deans heart. Cas hung his head and nodded before saying. "Its okay dean i know Im like family to you but i will ALWAYS care about you and protect you. It will always be you dean winchester" then he left. He walked out the dim room leaving dean perched on the edge of the bed that they had shared all night.

Dean looked at the time. It was later than he thought it would be, 10:15 am. He hadn't slept that long in forever. Dean sighed and lifted him self from the bed,his back cracking as he went. He looked out the empty door way where cas had left and hauled his tired sweat drenched body though it. He couldn't hear cas talking to Sam but he could hear sam singing happily as he worked his way though books. Dean hadn't herd him this happy in years. He stood in the door way and watched him going about his day with out a care in the world. All dean could see was his baby brother before all of this had beaten him down. Before he had gone to hell,before he had been driven to braking point over and over again. It was nice to see him like that. Dean almost didn't hear cas walking up behind him.

Cas put his hand on deans shoulder and dean jumped a mile. "I-im sorry i didn't mean to startle you" cas said returning to his harmless self. dean turned round to face cas and found himself a little closer then he would liked to have been. dean breathed in deeply and Castiels smell caught him and sent his head spinning, he shook his head and took a step away form cas "he seems happy today" cas said gesturing to the still oblivious Sam. cas and dean shared information like this about Sam; weather or not he was struggling, if cas had heard him crying alone again, if dean had seen him drifting off and staring at walls. sam was strong, he was strong as anything but he carried a lot with him, he never let it go the things he had done and sometimes it got to much for him but he always bounced back. but what dean didn't know was Cas and Sam also did the same for him. all three of them looked out for each other,always had.

"yeah he does seem good today, lets try and keep it that way eh" dean said smiling at Cas. dean lifted up the neck of his shirt and smelt it "god i need a shower" he said in disgust. "you sticking around today Cas or you gonna go shooting off again" dean said making a dig at Cas for leaving him.

"i could probably manage spending the day with the two people who caused my family to ignore the fact that i am still alive" Cas said jokingly at dean with a half smile.

"oh if its not to much of a struggle your holyness" dean said laughing "well you go keep mister sunshine company over there and i'll cook us all some late breakfast when i don't smell like the wrong end of one of Sammy's socks" dean said giving Cas one more smile as he headed of down one of the bunkers million corridors.

Cas watched him go before truing round and heading over to Sam who was still merrily humming away.

maybe it will be okay Cas thought to himself


	5. Chapter 5

"Heya Cas" Sam said cheerily as Cas walked past him to sit down "you feeling better. you look a lot better. but are you okay?" he continued as he hurried around with books in both arms slotting them carefully back in to their place on the shelf before sitting down opposite Cas at the table. "where's dean?" he questioned waiting for any sort of response form the angel.

"he said he needed a shower" Cas said bluntly as he stared at the empty corridor where he and dean just were. he was snapped back in to reality when Sam clicked his fingers in front of his face. "yes Sam"

"ay he's back" Sam laughed as he lent back in his chair "I was just asking if you and he were okay, you were going through some heavy stuff Cas. you seem okay now but is he? you know how he gets when something happens to you." Sam's voice was now filled with concern. Cas remembered what dean had said about keeping Sam happy today and it had puzzled him but now he got it. Jess, it was the anniversary of Jess's death. how could he have forgotten? "Cas are you okay?" Sam said impatiently "you seem a bit out of it? unsurprisingly but you sure you're alright?""

"no Sam I'm fine, me and dean are fine. he went off on one because I went up to heaven for answers. But that's it we sorted it" Cas said with a smile as he tried to read Sam.

"god you guys are like an old married couple" Sam joked and watched Cas go red "dean goes that same colour when I say that as well" he continued to chuckle. "seriously you guys when will you realize"

"excuse me?" Cas questioned

"nothing Cas" Sam said still laughing slightly "that is between you guys"

at this moment dean reappeared with wet hair that was sticking up on end all over the place. he rubbed it with a towel as he walked towards the others. Sam looked over at Cas who was uncontrollably staring with one hell of a grin on his face and tried to unsuccessfully stifle a laugh. dean scowled at him and he shut up leaving Cas tomato red slumped in his chair. dean rolled his eyes and smiled nudging Cas as he walked past on his way to the kitchen.

"breakfast Sammy? I'll do your favorite" dean called as he opened the door into the bunkers huge kitchen.

"I'm okay dean I'm going to take a shower now you have finally finished 3 hours after you went in" Sam said as he began to disappear toward the bathroom.

"suit yourself" dean scoffed wondering to the kitchen. Cas was now sat alone. now he could finally go over what he had been told back in heaven. he always put on a brave face for the Winchesters but his mind was running wild and there was nothing he could do. he sat and stared at the plain wooden table fighting every fiber inside of him that wanted to run home, that wanted the very beings that had betrayed him to now save him. what he had been told he could not escape, he couldn't fight it and he couldn't run from it. right about now his thoughts were interrupted by a loud clattering that came from the kitchen.

"SHIT" dean yelled. Cas ran through the doors and was greeted by nothing other than dean Winchester covered in baked beans. Cas froze, putting his hand over his mouth to try and stop him from laughing but it was no use Cas was now doubled over. the sight of an extremely stern dean with beans all down his front was enough to make anyone laugh. "not funny" dean said trying himself not to laugh as he flicked sauce at Cas hitting him square on the four head. now they were both laughing uncontrollably covered in baked bean sauce. "you still think it's funny eh" dean said wiping tears from his face and flicking another bit of sauce at Cas who was now gasping for breath. Cas nodded still laughing hysterically. "fine then" dean said running over to Cas rapping his arms round him and putting him over his baked bean covered shoulder. "still funny eh feathers?" dean said still laughing as Cas wriggled on his shoulder laughing like a little kid. dean finally put Cas down who was now also covered in baked beans. they stood looking at each other still laughing slightly. they were almost chest to chest and neither of them wanted to move an inch. Cas was the perfect height to be looking slightly up at dean without having to move his head back; he just looked up with his bright blue eyes still grinning. dean moved his hand up to castile's collar picking a bean from it and smirking. "well that went well" he said in an almost whisper as he looked down at Cas's lips.

"yeah" Cas said softly still looking at deans eyes. suddenly the smell of smoke hit their nostrils and they were both brought back as dean rushed over to the burning bacon.

"well there goes breakfast" dean said sulkily as he lent against the work surface and watched Cas walk over to the sink to get the worsted of the baked beans off of his face. dean watched quietly as Cas went about delicately washing his face. but he had to ask "Cas?"

"yeah dean" Cas answered sensing the worried tone in deans voice.

"when you went back up to see the god squad" dean said trying desperately to hide his hatred of them "what did they tell you? you said you went up there for answers and you got them. so what happened to you ?" dean stayed studying Cas as he movements slowed and he dropped the cloth he had been using to clean his face back into the bowl and turned to face dean leaning his hands against the side of the sink. dean could tell this was going to be along story so he jumped up on the counter and waited expectantly for Cas to answer.

"it's complicated dean. and if I'm going to tell you I need you to listen. I know you're always ready for a fight but just not this time yeah?" Cas looked at dean willing him to agree

"sure Cas. what's going on? you're kind of freaking me out now" dean stuttered leaning forward and having to quickly steady himself so he didn't fall from the counter top.

"okay, so they told me I was taken by a very powerful rogue angle. he was harvesting parts of my grace that's why I felt the need to sleep. he also implanted memories of the things he knew would tear me apart if I ever tried to remember what happened to me. they were up there because somehow he knew that you two would help me remember and he wanted to see me suffer. as a sort of pay back for the fall. he was one of the angles who fell and lost everything it seems. so he took me and tortured me for weeks" Cas looked over at dean who had an expression of both fear and anger mixed with understanding

"is that all Cas" dean said hoping it didn't get any worse. Cas shook his head and looked at the tiled floor

"it gets worse. once he found out that the torcher was getting nowhere he found a more effective way of hurting me. You. he used his power to make me live out scenarios of you hurting me first then when I got used to that he made me kill you... over and over just like Naomi did but this time it was all me." castile's words caught in him as tears clouded his eyes "so that's what I see now. I can see me killing you and Sam in so many ways. it was the most effective way for him to prove he had power over me before he got what he wanted. those visions he made me see had to come from somewhere. some of those people I did kill, some of their blood is on my hands for real. he just did some editing and added some more guilt to my already broken mind. I killed real people dean it wasn't just visions of you." Cas hung his head low as he waited for whatever dean was going to burst out with.

"what's his name" dean said calmly jumping down from the counter top and striding over to Cas "what's his name Cas" he said as he put his hand on castile's shoulder.

"I- I can't tell you" Cas continued to look at the ground. "you'll go after him. I can't tell you"

"hell yeah I'm going to go after him. he hurt you Cas" dean said with frustration raising in his voice "this guy tortured you for two months Cas and you want me to just leave it. no way. what's his name Cas." dean was becoming impatient by this point.

just in time Sam wandered in and stood looking at the two with a slight level of confusion and amusement. "and you guys are covered in what looks like baked beans because..?" Sam questioned sarcastically.

"never mind that Sammy get a load of this. Cas went up to heaven to find out what happened to him, they said he was angel-napped by some dick bag angel who 'lost everything in the fall' and tortured him for pretty much the entire two months he was missing, that's excluding the times where he was making Cas kill people that is and still, for some reason that is unknown to me, Cas won't even let me go after him." dean said in a rage looking at Sam for support.

"dean he is to powerful, he'll kill you as soon as he could. you can't go after him dean please" Cas begged dean knowing full well that it was all but useless. once dean had set his mind on something nothing could stop him. especially when it came to Cas

"I'm with Cas on this dean. if this guy managed to take down him you would be no problem what so ever. as much as it pains me to say it we should really leave this to the guys upstairs to deal with" Sam said sympathetically to dean who was already looking at him in shock and disappointment. dean looked at Cas and Sam before storming out of the kitchen with his fists clenched. Sam and Cas exchanged the same look of worry before Cas went trailing after him to try and calm him down before he got himself killed.

dean was in his room pacing up and down when Cas finally caught up with him. dean looked up at Cas as he ran his hands down his face

"you know I can't leave this right Cas?" dean said with all his anger replaced with sorrow. his eyes burrowed into castile's and they seemed greener than ever now standing in the dim light of the room. Cas nodded knowing that nothing he could do or say could change deans mind, not now anyway.

"But dean" Cas swallowed hard knowing that what he was about to say could end everything him and dean have. that was either good or bad but he was about to find out "you said earlier that you were in love with me but then you took it back and said it was only like family. I know what it is to love family and what I feel for you isn't that. the things I have done for you dean: I rebelled against heaven, I ripped up my hole belief system, I went against my own family and everything I have ever known and I did it all for you. I would never even think of doing all of that so willingly for someone I just considered family. the angels, they told you I fell in love with humanity but they couldn't have been more wrong. I fell in love with you dean Winchester. nothing more and nothing less than the righteous man. if you insist on getting yourself killed by going after the angel that hurt me then I had to tell you that I love you and only you dean. but now I have said all that I'm terrified that you're going to say you don't feel the same" castile's words were soft and dean listened to every one of them. he watched the way Cas was smiling at him with shimmering tears in his eyes as he laid out his heart. he watched the way Cas was nervously playing with the cuff of his trench coat and he watched the way Cas waited for him to reply but he could find no words. not at first anyway.

"cas-i- I don't know what to say" dean said softly with little confidence. Cas bowed his head to look at the ground thinking he had just ruined everything. in less than two strides dean had now made his way across the room and was stood chest to chest with Cas who had just in time managed to lift his head. dean breathed out softly moving his eyes slowly from Cas's lips to his eyes and back down again before kissing him hard. dean placed one of his hands on the back of castile's neck and with the other he entwined his fingers with Cas's. Cas placed his free and on deans hip and tried desperately to move even closer to him even though there was no room. the kiss continued with castile's cheeks now damp from the tears that had escaped his eyes. when dean slowly pulled back he lifted up a hand to wipe away the tears on Cas's face just like he had before. then he spoke four words so softly Cas was unsure if he had even heard them "Will you be mine?"

With this Castile's tears had been replenished and he only managed a quick nod before he buried his head in to dean's chest. Dean nestled his face into Cas's hair as tears flooded his eyes also. Cas was his and he was Cas's. it was all he wanted, to stay here with Cas like this, his Cas, forever and forget everything, for now.


	6. Chapter 6

No one would think it would work. An angel and a former demon. But it did, they made it work. Cas and dean knew this was it, no redoes, no chance to try again. this had to work this time or not at all.

the two stayed hugging in dean's room in silence for some time just needing to be close to one another. Cas was nuzzling his head into the curve of dean's neck smelling his after shave, letting the smell of Dean wash over him and relax his every muscle. Dean suddenly but slowly pushed Cas back with his hand on his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes not wanting to see anything but Cas before he pulled him in for a kiss. A soft gentle kiss that had no awkwardness or feeling that it should not be done. This was the kiss Cas had always wanted from dean, the kiss he had seen him give to many random girls in random bars. But this kiss was his and no matter what happened no one could take that away.

"dean" Cas said in a raspy voice as dean slid his cold hand under Cas's untucked shirt and pushed him gently to the wall.

"yeah Cas" dean whispered onto the skin of castile's neck between gentle kisses. Cas lent his head back as dean kissed from one ear to the other. Cas traced his hands over deans muscular shoulders taking in every inch of his back as his hands wandered further down dean's spine making him shiver. Cas's delicate hands slowly worked their way under the bottom of deans t-shirt and back up his back before pulling deans top off over his head, laughing at deans messed up hair and then apologizing with a kiss. dean stepped back from Cas and Cas looked him over. For the first time his eyes flickered over deans bare chest. He reached out a hand to the mark he had left when he had first held dean. His fingers shook as he traced gently over the mark looking at it intently before returning his eyes to Dean. He remembered when they first met down in the abyss of hell and how he had saved Dean but now, with all the things that had come after it turned out that Dean was the one who had saved him, everything that had happened between them was beautifully sad and everything that was yet to happen could be beautifully crafted or crumble under the weight of their love. Dean self-consciously looked away from Cas as he watched the angles eyes take in the manor of scars that covered his body. Some of which were made by monsters and some that were regrettably made by john, when he would come back from a hunt drunk and angry. Cas looked again sorrowfully at dean's face, the two still in silence, before he unbuttoned his own shirt. it fell limply to the floor at his feet revealing angry red slashes and fresh pink scars from castile's two months of torture. His grace was to weak to repair his body and the sight made Deans breath catch in his mouth. He looked shocked as his eyes examined his angles broken vessel. he took a step closer to Cas until they were chest to chest once again and traced his index finger lightly over a pink scar that lay across the left side of Cas's chest. he looked up at Cas again and kissed him, hard this time. no softness to it, just need. need to be closer to Cas, need to kiss him better. Dean was needing to kiss the very core of Cas and keep him safe. Castile's hands made their way down and played at the waist band of deans jeans as dean fumbled clumsily with Cas's belt.

"dean. slow down" Cas said in a slight moan as deans hand slid over the growing bulge in his undone trousers and his fingers slid into his underwear.

"If that's really what you want?" dean questioned with a glint in his eyes looking at Cas who's head was back against the wall inviting dean to return his kisses to Cas's neck. His fingers continued their ventures into Cas's pants causing Cas to grasp at deans hair, pulling it slightly with every time dean stroked his cock. at this moment the door slowly opened with Cas and dean frozen behind it.

"guys you in here" Sam's voice said. he looked around the door and saw the mess of bodies that was Cas and dean "OH GOD! Guys- I- I'm sorry- I'll- I'll go. oh god. sorry!" Sam stuttered nervously as he slammed the door. Dean had had barely enough time to remove his hand from around castile's semi-erect penis before the door had opened but luckily enough he was stood in front of Cas so that all Sam could see was him and Cas making out topless. Though I'm sure that was of no comfort to Sam at the time.

Cas and Dean awkwardly exchanged looks then laughed. "Well he's gonna need therapy." Dean said chuckling still stood chest to chest with Cas against the wall. Cas suddenly looked worriedly at Dean. "Hey don't worry I'll sort it okay" Dean said kissing Cas softly "God knows it's not the first time he has walked in on me. Would have thought he would have learned by now" Dean said stepping away from Cas and picking up his shirt. He slipped it over his head and kissed Cas again and telling him not to worry before heading out the door after Sam.

Cas did up his trousers and slid down the wall. He could not stop smiling. He was more than embarrassed that Sam had walked in but his happiness soon made him forget. The way Dean made him feel, the way Dean could make his head spin and now the way Dean had touched him, he couldn't get it out of his head. He sat smiling against the wall after deciding that it was a good idea to wait till Dean had finished talking to Sam before he showed his face.

Dean found a rather red Sam in his room looking like a rabbit in headlights.

"Sam..." Dean said hesitantly as he stood in the door way. He slowly stepped inside.

"Hey Dean" Sam said cheerily however this relaxed tone was only confined to his voice. The rest of him was stiff and motionless.

"Look Sam about what you saw... Please don't make a big deal out of this Cas is so embarrassed! "Dean said trying to snap Sam back to his normal self.

"I don't even want to think about what I saw Dean!" Sam said cringing slightly "but I do have one question..." Sam trailed off. Dean nodded for him to go on "does this mean that you guys finally get it? Do you know, did he finally tell you?" Sam's eyes were now tentatively fixed on Dean as he waited for a response.

Dean looked at the floor, ran his hand through his hair and smiled. This was all Sam needed as an answer to his question. He was across the room in seconds, hugging Dean tightly. "Alright it's not that exciting!" Dean said laughing.

"Yes it is! You guys!" Sam said looking at Dean like a puppy that had just been taken out for a walk for the first time.

"Shut it Sam" Dean was still laughing, trying to contain his own excitement. It only now hit him that after all this time he could now call Cas his, he didn't have to hide away his glances or his need to kiss him every time he stood a little to close, not anymore.

"I just have one rule!" Sam exclaimed "I don't want to be seeing any of that okay? Hang a sock on the door or something please!" Dean nodded at Sam's request.

"I'm going to go back to Cas he's probably going out of his mind with embarrassment" Dean said heading for the door.

"Dean..." Sam said in a small voice "I'm happy for you both. You deserve this" dean smiled back at Sam and continuing on his way back to Cas.

When Dean returned Cas was sat on the edge of deans bed, playing nervously with the cuff of his coat. He looked up as soon as Dean entered the room.

"He's okay Cas" Dean said smiling down at Cas as he ran his hand over the angles hair. Cas smiled and leaned into Dean, pressing his face into dean's warm stomach.

to say dean was exhausted was an understatement. he had spent the whole night up with Cas and his body was craving sleep, he was fighting every fiber in him just to keep his eyes open and Cas could tell. dean had been resting his head on Cas's for a while now as the two stayed joined. in one swift move and without dean really knowing it Cas had lifted him onto the bed and laid him down. dean was already half asleep when Cas planted a kiss on his head and told him to sleep before laying down next to him.

Cas hoped that now dean had him he would let the whole business of what happened in those two months ago. but he could not be more wrong, now that dean had Cas he had more of a reason to get the guy that had hurt him, and this would have terrible consequences


	7. Chapter 7

Cas and dean had spent the hours after Sam had walked in on them locked away in dean's room exploring every inch of each other, taking in all they could and absorbing one another. it wasn't all sexual they wanted to be close, to feel each other and to close the gap that always was between them, they spent as much time holding and exploring each other's minds as they did testing how fast they could get each other to cum. it turns out when it comes to Cas dean is rather weak. he tried to hang on but Cas had him calling out his name in a matter of minutes with his back arched and his fists grasping whatever they could. Dean however could easily do the same to Cas, though he preferred to take his time. he would tease Cas until Cas was begging for him to get him off. he liked it this way; he liked to know Cas wanted him, that Cas wanted him as badly as dean needed him to.

They finally emerged from the room some hours later to find Sam sat in the library with his head in the new Jo Nesbo book. Cas suddenly flushed red and Dean looked over to him rolled his eyes and tugged at Cas's sleeve.

"Good book Sam?" Cas questioned trying to sound as at ease as possible but failing extremely.

"Yeah, I'm half way through the series." Sam said in his normal tone as he put the book down. Hearing Sam talk to him as he always did somehow put Cas at ease and he pulled out a chair to sit down. Much to his surprise Dean, instead of sitting opposite him like he normally did, pulled up a chair next to him and sat there instead. He sat with his arm across the back of castile's chair as he and Sam spoke about the fact that he was "such a nerd".

"c'mon cas. Back me up here" dean said prodding him.

"uhhh.. what?" cas replied nervously. "sorry I wasn't listening. I had something far more important to think of" sam and dean both laughed which put cas at ease and he lent back in his chair as a nice silence fell over the room.

"You nerds hungry?" Dean said finally breaking the silence. Sam nodded and so did Cas. Even though he didn't eat he still enjoyed deans cooking, not for the taste of course, but because he loved the way Dean loved it. "Alright then, I'll make us some food. How about you guys go see what films are on Netflix or something, it's better than sitting here in this awkward silence" Dean joked as he got up squeezed Cas's shoulder and went to the kitchen.

Sam smiled over at Cas "relax Cas. I'm happy for you two honestly. I really am! I was kinda getting irritated with all the starring at each other anyway" Sam was now laughing as he too got up and made his way to the bunk houses excuse for a 'living room'. It was really just a smallish room that Dean had filled with sofas and a large TV up on the wall with different games consoles underneath for when the hunting went dry or one of the pair needed some R&R dean had actually gotten quite upset when after Rowena's spell when Cas was taking some time of he had beaten deans high score on Mario . Moments later Cas got up out of his chair and stood alone in the empty room.

Cas thought to himself as he often did; however His thoughts were interrupted by Dean silently creeping up behind him and resting his head on his shoulder. "And he's back in the room" Dean said when Cas finally recognize that Dean was there. "You mind talking this into Sam please" Dean held out a beer to Cas as he stood up straight again. Cas nodded and took the beer from dean's hand, taking a min to let his fingers linger against deans before leaving with the beer in his hand back to sam

Sam was great full for the drink as he trawled though Netflix for any good films he and dean hadn't already seen a thousand times this week. Cas sat himself down on the small brownish sofa in the corner of the room, the other end to where Sam was sat. mercifully dean arrived with enchiladas that he had heated up in the microwave.

"careful the plates hot Sammy" he said handing Sam the steaming food and laying a knife and fork down next to him before settling down on the couch next to Cas "so what's on?"

"the sum total of fuck all" Sam said disappointed as threw the remote-control at dean and settled his plate on his lap. dean scrolled past film after film.

"this one!" he said excitedly. Sam rolled his eyes

"really? again dean?"

"shut your mouth Sam it's a classic!" and then, despite the light protest from Sam, they were now watching Shaw shank redemption. dean wafted down his food like normal and soon got up to get a beer for him and Sam but ended up returning with snacks and a 6 pack insisting that laziness prevails and that he didn't want to have to get up again. then he sat back down even closer to Cas and leaned against him with his legs stretched out towards sam. Cas found himself instinctively putting his arm round dean and resting his chin on dean's soft hair. the whole room suddenly became more relaxed, Sam slumped down in his seat and Cas could feel deans muscles soften.

the film was over much too soon for castile's liking. as the credits rolled up the screen dean swiveled round to look up at Cas

"did you like it?!" dean said excitedly at Cas. Sam was also looking over expectantly. Cas thought for a Minuit, which was evidently the wrong thing to do as he watched the excited looks on the boys faces drop.

"I loved it" Cas blurted out quickly trying in a vain hope to restore the look of glee on both Sam and deans faces. it worked. dean lent up and kissed Cas on the cheek Turing Cas almost completely red and Sam smiled at them as he got up.

"I'm going to bed, it's getting surprisingly late. goodnight guys." and with that Sam hauled his 6'4 body out of the door and down the hall.

"G'night Sammy" dean called. he then turned to Cas "did you really like it?" he said looking up at Cas with his grass green eyes. Cas lent down and placed a soft kiss on dean's lips.

"I loved it" he said again.

Cas and dean shortly stumbled to bed after Cas cleared up and dean went round making sure the bunker was secure as he always did. Cas had never questioned it though he assumed it was just second nature from when he spent his time looking after Sam well his dad was away.

the three boys fell into a routine pretty quick. Cas quickly stopped going red whenever dean would lace their fingers together in front of people. he was even comfortable with kissing dean with Sam in the room, just a pack of course. it all felt natural for all of them. all of this, however, didn't last long for dean. he couldn't shake the image of what happened to Cas. those red slashes that covered cases body would haunt him. he started looking for the angel that did this. it was all he could do to feel like he was heling. he didn't deserve Cas in his mind and he had to do all he could to protect him, to keep him safe and that meant destroying anything that had or will hurt him.


	8. Chapter 8

"Do you really think that little of me dean Winchester" Cas snarled into the dark as dean stood with his hand on the door knob. He had been sneaking out late at night in the vain hope that Cas wouldn't notice that he had gone.

"Cas... I..." dean stuttered as he stood motionless in the dark feeling castile's eyes burring into his back.

"I what dean?! you have been sneaking out for months now. Did you really think that I wouldn't notice!? even in this half human state I'm still not completely unaware" cas was almost spitting the words into the darkness of the room still with the hope that dean had an innocent explanation. Silence fell. "sit down" Cas said, his voice now returned to the trusting tone it always had as he turned on the bed side lamp. But still dean didn't move "I said sit down!" Cas repeated his words with some anger. This got dean to move. He sat on the end of the bed and untied his boots still silent and not able to look at Cas. He finally sat up with his jaw clenched. He looked up at the corner of the room and away from Cas.

"you should have let me go Cas" dean shook his head as he spoke. "I could have had him, tonight"

"who dean?" Cas spoke slowly not wanting to acknowledge who he thought dean was speaking of.

"the angle who was trying to kill you Cas" deans eyes locked onto Cas's.

"you promised me you wouldn't go after him dean!" Cas stood up from the bed as he spoke. His presence almost filled the room. It was as if he had doubled in size

"yeah well I promise a lot of things to a lot of people Cas!" dean stood up nose to nose with Cas trying to match his size but he saw only anger in his angles eyes.

"and you keep your promises to me dean Winchester or so help me-"

"so help you what Cas!" dean was now hot with anger. "you won't do anything! you never do! you couldn't even take heaven back for your own family!" dean stopped dead. the color faded from his face as He looked up at Cas who had now stumbled back with only anger filling him "Cas, baby I'm sorry... I crossed a line. You know what I'm like when I get mad. baby I'm so sorry I know you did all you could to save heaven. I'm sorry" dean's anger was now replaced with regret. He moved to put a hand on Cas's shoulder but Cas stood and moved away.

"if that's what you really think then sorry is a bit to late" and with that Cas was gone.

"CAS!" dean yelled in desperation knowing full well that Cas could be anywhere by now. He buried his face in his hands and exhaled sharply as he ran them over his hair. The wall was next to bow down to his anger. His fist hit the wall as a yell resonated from his mouth. The pain seared up his arm and he was left clutching his fist, tears running down his face as his head rested against the cold stone of the wall.

"DEAN!" Sam called as he ran into the room with his gun drawn. He saw his brother slumped against the wall with his bloodied fist in his hand. He didn't even move. Sam walked slowly over to him and placed his gun on the floor. He took his brothers head with one hand and turned it to face him. "dean?" he repeated more softly. Dean shook his head out of Sam's hand and stood up to his full height. He angrily pushed past Sam like a bull and charged towards the gun room. Sam began frantically chasing after him. Whatever pain that had taken over dean was now gone. He was a man on a mission and no one could stop him.

Sam stumbled into the gun room and was greeted by dean bandaging his broken hand with a duffle bag full of guns, salt and old spell books. The look on his face could only be described as determination. Sam had seen this look before, but on himself. When he was going to close the gates of hell he didn't care that he may die and this, right now, was how dean looked. He no longer cared about his life or his safety he was ready. It was like he had already lost everything that he wanted to live for. "dean!? what are you doing? What happened with Cas?"

"he's gone Sam." the desperation in deans voice caused him to sound small and needy. He soon corrected this with a slow intake of breath as he loaded another gun into the over flowing duffle bag.

"what do you mean gone? Gone where?" Sam at this point was more confused than he cared to let on. "has some one taken him?"

"I messed up okay Sammy" deans words continued not to match his actions. The way he spoke said sadness and desperation but the way he moved screamed confidence and power. He stopped, placed both hands on the shabby wooden table and closed his eyes. "you know I promised to not hunt down the dick bag that nearly killed him" dean looked over at Sam "well…" dean looked guilty now more than ever.

"you didn't..." Sam prompted "dean! Tell me you didn't"

"no can do Sammy" dean responded in his trademark _I did something I was told not to_ way

"what the hell dean! he told us to stay away for a reason!" Sam did agree with dean but he knew that that was a dangerous thing to admit especially right now.

"well I didn't and now have gone so I may as well go kill this son of a bitch and be done with it"

"dean you could die!" Sam was feeling hopeless; he knew that once dean had put his mind to something he wouldn't be stopped

"I'm betting on it Sammy" dean said. Though his words were meant sarcastically they sounded as though he really meant it.

Any attempt made by Sam to stop him was useless. There was nothing he could do. Dean even had the audacity to ask Sam to come with him and help but he couldn't. he wanted to help but he had to stay here and try and find Cas before it was too late.

It was as if no time at all had passed between Sam bursting into dean's room and dean now closing the bunker door on a solo suicide mission. But Sam was not about to waste any time on dwelling on the fact that he may never see dean again. He got straight down to finding Cas. He prayed to him over and over again but there was nothing.

"Cas please you have to come back!" Sam's pleas were those of a child "dean, I –I don't know what happed with you two but he loves you so much. I have honestly never seen him so happy as when he's with you. He told me once that if you were ever to leave it would be like you were walking away with his hart. He said he loves you so much that he could sleep, he could even eat whenever you were away. Cas he's gone after that angle. He's going to die! Can't you hear me Cas! he will die if you don't stop him. I can't do this it has to be you. He's about to die for you Cas and I know that if you let this happen you will never forgive yourself. So get your ass down here and save his life again." Sam waited in the silence for that flap of wings that he knew so well but nothing came. Not a sound was made in the bunker and no angle came to answer Sam's prayers. Not here anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean drove in silence he wouldn't let any thought of what might happen cloud his mind right now. The drive was not short but dean put his foot down throwing all regards of personal safety out of the window. After all, what did he really have to live for now. He knew Sam could look after himself but him. He couldn't even see himself in a word where Cas wasn't with him. Soon he was pulling up to an abandoned ware house, his head lights reflecting off of the metal frame. He breathed slow and deep as he turned off the engine. Silence fell. An ominous silence, an unsettling silence. He let thoughts of Cas rush over him and fill him up. He saw Cas's body, remembered how it felt the first time he held him, remembered tracing the outlines of Cas's muscles across his chest and feeling him relax in his hands. Then he remembered what he hoped he could drown with good memories. He saw Cas. Led on the floor of the bunkers kitchen. Screaming in agony and he could do nothing. Dean was going to make this angel pay for what he did to Cas or die trying. Dean slipped out of the impala with ease and strode to the boot where the duffle bag lay. He slipped the straps over his shoulder and ran his fingers lovingly over baby's pristine body work. Then he walked, head held high into the ware house.

It was somehow darker on the inside than it was outside. The only light that showed its self were shards of moon light that pierced though gaps in the boarded up windows. Dean retrieved a flash light from the duffle bag and shone it around. There was no one here. A door caught his eye on the far side of the room. Slowly he made his way towards it and at the same time retrieved his gun from the back of his trousers. The door squeaked open easily and dean stepped inside. Dean was only half way across the small room when the door was slammed shut so hard it almost shattered the small square window at the top.

"Show yourself!" dean hollered into the darkness. And as if obeying a command a scruffy figure emerged from the shadows.

"Dean Winchester. I've been waiting for you for some time now. Tell me how's castile?" even though he was still half hidden by the shadows dean could see the smirk on his face. "I have to say I did enjoy our time together. He was very… what's the word... Empowering!" he almost sung the word as he sent dean flying towards the wall stopping him inches away before setting him down on the ground once more. "I don't want you" he chuckled. "No I need my friend castile back you see. We had such a good time together. I know he must miss me terribly"

"You stay away from him!" dean hissed. "You stay away from him or-"

"Or what?" the angel interrupted dean "you'll kill me?"  
"No. I'm going to do that anyway but if you so much as touch a hair on his head I'll make sure I kill you real slow. Ya know really take my time with it. Enjoy myself almost" dean lent forward as he spoke in an attempt to seem even more threatening.

"Oh, that's very 'mark of Cain' of you. Yes Cas told me everything. Seems you went a bit of the rails there but seriously you, you're going to kill me !" the mere thought was most amusing to the angel "well if that's your plan isn't it at least common curtsy to know the name of the one you are about to end?"

"I don't care what your name is" dean barked.

"Well that's rude. Cas had much better manors then that. Even when I had him kill and dismember you really slowly so he could really enjoy it" he watched dean's reaction with narrowed eyes and a tilted head. "Well anyway my name is Uzeakel. It's a pleasure to make your official acquaintance" Uzeakel stretched his hand out to shake deans but dean just scowled at him.

"I said I don't care about your name"

"I know but I'm sure Cas will be here any minute and I really can't be bothered to deal with pathetic you." Uzeakel pulled out a chair from the shadows and sat down. It seemed like he'd had this perfectly planned out. Dean said nothing. Now Uzeakel was in the only beam of light that was in the room dean looked him over. He wasn't strong looking or well built. He was taller than Cas but scrawny with shabby un kept hair and a patchy beard. His face was thin and he had deep inset eyes and harsh pultruding cheekbones He looked like the kind of guy you would keep your kids away from at the park. All accept his clothes. They didn't quite match him. He wore a well-tailored black pinstripe suit with a waste coat, a white shirt and red tie.

"he's not coming" said dean confidently eyeing up the duffel bag that still lay by the door.

"he'll come. Don't you worry about that. but just in case you get any ideas I'll just take care of this." Uzeakel picked up the duffel bag and somehow made it vanish. The look of amazement must have been obvious on dean's face. "it's a trick you learn, once you've got enough grace that is. You see right now I can only make small things disappear. I need some more Cas juice to really get to work." uzeakel smirked at dean again and dean clenched his fists judging whether he could take down the scrawny angel in a fist fight. But his thoughts were interrupted by a voiced he wished he would hear here.

"DEAN?!" it was Cas.

"ah you see. I told you so" uzeakel rose from his seat and fled out the door "this should take long he called back at dean. Who had crossed the room in little more than three strides and was now frantically banging at the door.

"CAS NO! RUN CAS! IT WAS A TRAP HE ONLY WANTS YOU!" dean was frantic.

"I know dean. That's why I didn't want you to go!" Cas was now peering through the small window in the door at dean. "where is he?"  
"he's out there with you. Cas get me out of here I can help" dean pleaded

"okay okay. Stand back from the door I'll have to-"Cas was cut off as his head was smashed against the window cracking it.

"CAS!" dean yelled as Cas's bloody face disappeared from view.

"ah castile. I knew you missed me. I knew you'd come back to me one way or another" uzeakel was ecstatic. "and your friend dean Winchester was kind enough to bring this whole bag of goodies" in his hand he held the duffel bag. The bag that contained all the tools perfect for hurting angels. Uzeakel dragged the sharp tip of the angel blade across cas's right cheek. Cas's screams of pain pierced deans chest as uzeakel proceeded to carve D.W into castile's chest.

Dean was trying everything to get the door open but nothing worked. He couldn't quit. He couldn't leave cas screaming in agony again. Never again. He began thinking of a new plan. If he couldn't get the door open there had to be something else he could do. He dared to peep at what was going on. He looked out the window at cas beaten and bloody on the floor with uzeakel merely skipping around him throwing holy oil on cas's hands and feet. He set castiels limbs alight with no hesitation and then the screaming was back but this time it wasn't only cas. Now dean was screaming to as he watched the skin on castiles soft hands sizzle. Then it hit him. He searched about the room for any sharp object that might draw blood and finally found some broken glass. He dragged it across his wrist then with the blood began to pain the angel sidgual on the wall. Now all he had to do was get uzeakle to leave cas and come back to him.

"OI SCRAWNY!" dean yelled. Uzeakels cackling laughing stopped.

"sorry cas old cap. I'll be right back. In all this excitement I forgot to kill the vermin." Uzeakel walked off towards the door with cas still burning on the floor. "now, Mr Winchester are you ready to die. I really think it will be the best punishment for cas. It's a shame you won't be around to see what it does to him but it should be fun" uzeakel smiled as he entered the room but this was soon wiped from his face when he saw deans work.

"I think the god squad are really looking forward to having you back" and with that dean slammed his bloodied hand against the sidguel and banished uzeakel back to heaven.

Dean wasted no time in running to cas. The flames were still licking at castiels wrists and his fingers and toes were smouldering. "oh cas.." dean fell down next to him and on his knees surveyed the damage. He placed his hand lovingly onto castiles forehead and cas slowly opened his eyes. Fear filled cas.

"is it really you… please tell me it's you!" cas pleaded with dean in a raspy voice that was barely there.

"it's me cas" dean ensured him.

"you have to prove its you dean" cas was struggling to say the words as blood spilled from the corners of his mouth. The flames had died and cas's scorched skin was still giving off smoke. "p-please dean" dean kissed cas.

"see its me" dean smiled a sad smile as the light slowly began to fade from cas's bluer than blue eyes. Dean cradled cas in his arm and wept.

"dean Winchester" cas spluttered softly " you are a good man" he whispered into deans ear.

"I love you cas" dean replied as he hugged cas's now limp body closer. "come on cas. Please" dean pleaded holding onto cas so tight like if he was to let go all his pieces would crumble. "please cas! Tell me you love me too! CASSSS" dean screamed into the darkness but no one would answer his calls. Not anymore.

Dean stayed clutching castile's body until sun light began to stream into the ware house and the rumble of a car came up the track. It was Sam. Dean didn't even hear him. He just sat stroking cas's hair willing him to come back. Wishing with all he could that cas would return to him.

"dean?" sam spoke softly as he approached dean. "is-is that cas?" sam was horror stricken to see cas this way. To see him dead in deans arms. He sat down next to dean and supported deans back with his strong arm. He sat there with dean for a few hours before. "dean let's take him home. We can't stay here"

"NO!" dean yelled at him "we have to stay. I can't let go. He has to tell me he loves me too" dean sobbed.

"okay dean. You don't have to let go of him I promise. We just need to take him to the car." Sam got to his feet and started to help dean lift cas.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM! Please. Don't touch him"

"okay dean. Its okay"

"come on cas its time to go home" deans voice shook as he spoke. He couldn't cry any more but his hear ached. Dean carried all of castiels weight with his arms and knees shaking all the way to the car. He led him in the back seat and stroked his hair. "It's okay now Cas. You can sleep now."


End file.
